Finding the Right Match
What have you been watching lately?
I’ve been fascinated by the Netflix reality show Indian Matchmaking.
Many Indians here, as well as in India, still go for arranged marriages. I get it. Finding the right match for any important relationship is tricky.
Take finding an agent for instance.
As Sima, the matchmaker on the show says, “First you have to be ready to settle down.”
In the writing world that translates to having a manuscript that is polished like a sparkling diamond. Sometimes we even consult with our own version of a matchmaker, aka a critique group or a freelance editor before we ‘meet’ our potential ‘matches.’ (Agents)
When Sima meets her clients, the first thing she asks them is what is their criteria for a life partner. That requires knowing themselves a bit, which not everyone does.
Same is true before you ‘query’ an agent. (Make a proposal in Sima’s world.) What is your book about? (What does your main character want? Who/what stands in their way of getting their goal(s)?) Who are your readers? (Kids aged 9-12 for example.) What genre/format is it? For ex. Middle grade illustrated novel (Think Wimpy Kid, or Popularity Papers)
What many pre-published authors don’t do is ask themselves what they’re seeking in a partner (agent). We’re often so desperate to get published (Or in Sima’s clients’ cases to get married) that we don’t dare be picky. But as with any partnership, chemistry and what type of ‘relationship’ you want can end up making or breaking a connection.
Sima’s clients often have a long list of traits including height, skin color (that could be a whole other letter), being from the same region for ex. Punjab, sense of humor, independence, smart etc.
In my case, I’d like an agent who is responsive when I reach out. Who’s warm and fuzzy over one that is all business and maybe a bit cool. One who shares my values in terms of quality over quantity, wants to entertain readers, but also educate and inspire. Who sees our connection as long term not just one and done, or what have you done for me lately. Most importantly, we need to like each other. Have a connection based on shared values and goals.
Finding the right match in any arena is usually hard and time consuming. But jumping into the wrong partnership out of desperation always leads to disaster in the form of divorce, or contract termination, or lawsuits etc.
Though the world may make you wrong for it, never be afraid to hold out for what you want. For ex. I wanted a guy that would support my career and my dislike of housework. And who wasn’t bald or likely to go bald and was at least 5' 11," among other things. Some told me I was too picky and would never find 'him.'
As it happens I did find him. But it took a while. And I did have to get real about what a relationship could and couldn't do for me. Same is true for an agent. There are always things only we can do for ourselves.
Would love to hear your stories about how you found/created your right matches be it professional, personal, and/or creative.
YouTube Vid of the Week: Courtesy of Fear Fi Fo Fum-How Fear Blocks Empathy and What We Can Do To Make Fear Back Off
Weekly Rad Resource From The Library: One of the few pleasures left for us to indulge in right now is watching movies/tv shows. Often public libraries have a nice range of DVDs available, or you can rent movies and stream them off of library services like Kanopy. AND EVERYTHING IS FREE.
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